Why I have no friends
I have written about ‘friends’ before and what friendships mean to me. Since that time I’ve been thinking about this. More recently I attended a conference somewhere in the UK – at which I met people who are friendly. So that got me thinking some more. Just to be clear (JTBC), nothing in this post is meant to imply anything. I do not mean what I do not say.
Almost every year I meet up the same people at these conferences. It’s all fine – yuh know – all the ‘How have you beens?‘ and ‘Where are you now?‘ or ‘Have you been back home?‘ etc etc. [I just came from my home why the bledy hell they wanna know about this? Jeez!] All smiles and pleasantries, email addresses and contact numbers exchanged – but I never hear from these people in the next year. So – ‘friendly’ does not mean ‘friends’.
Some of these people are running booths promoting their services or interests or wha’everrrr. So, they need to be nice or friendly if you like. After all, their business depends on it.
Others are former work colleagues etc. They too are all very pleasant – meal with them etc and recounting old times and keeping up with current affairs. But that’s the end of that, until ‘next year’ – should life continue. Innit?
The stark reality I’ve come to, is that people keep you on ‘their list’ and are nice, should they need to call on you in the future for some sort of assistance. Did I say ‘financial assistance’? I did not! For my part I’m truly interested in friendships with some of them but that doesn’t mean I’m in ‘search of friends’. Such friendships if they were to happen by a long shot, would not be based on my need to seek their help in any way. How strange?
True friendships from my perspective are as follows:
- No interest in deriving advantage from the other in the friendship. Sounds strange to some – I’m sure.
- Freedom to speak it as one finds it – about anything.
- No direct or indirect threats of loss of friendship or anything else.
- Exchange of different perspectives. Another strange one, cuz I’ve found out that people like others who are on their ‘wavelength’. How boring is that? Very!
- Respect – and that means freedom to tell the other like it is honestly. Did I say ‘with insulting language’? I did not! It means freedom to feedback without fear of offence being taken.
I tend to lose could-be friends because:
- I can’t stand mediocrity and constantly push all my could-be friends to achieve more.
- I accept no bledy excuses such as “I’m totally lazy, disorganised and can’t think straight. Or “It’s me depression acting up.“
- I don’t speak in a ‘politically correct’ way. No – you get nothing dressed up with me. I tell you like it is i.e. how I see it.
- I don’t provide emotional support for bullshit. [And I’m not defining what ‘bullshit’ is].
- Lies and dishonesty cause me a problem – and they are told about it in the rawest terms.
So, what I’ve come to understand is that for the rest of the UK population, the above 5 points are a ‘no no’. Who’d want a friend like that!? Do I give a monkeys? I do not! As ‘they’ are free to deselect me, I’m free to deselect them. I have freedom of choice equal to the whole lot. I’m quite contented with my modus operandi – and it ain’t changing. Do you wish to hold your breath?
And? And nothing. This ends here. That’s it. Blog done.