Email – potential to destroy the human race

Today I have ultra-conclusive evidence that email and e-correspondence is a risk to the survival of the human race!

Some see email as different to text on websites and social media platforms. It isn’t! Why? Because both are text-based information sent by electronic means, and put in places for people to read. Tough – I’m not debating it!

So what happened? 

  1. I take my time to draft a well formatted email and send it to 6 people in a team. Look, it doesn’t matter which team or where or anything like that! And no – you who reads this ain’t getting any further information.  
  2. I set out at the beginning what it is about in clear and simple language. 
  3. I state what are my action points, for me. 
  4. I invite members to optionally decide for themselves – with emphasis on optional. 
  5. I explain in clear and simple language why the invitation to so engage is of value. 
  6. I state that I do no need updates on whether people take up the invitation to act on the idea as it is optional.

What happened next? Well, you who reads this will have to wait until I type out the words to explain! 

  1. Within an hour I get two responses. [Note that I had said that I do not need updates as it is optional.]
  2. One response tells me about what is ‘standard practice’ for people in my position to do ‘blah blah’ – as if I am an infant without 30 years of experience in my field of expertise. Then it goes on to state that the individual responding is not going to do as invited. Did I say ‘I need no updates’? Yes I did! 
  3. The second response also informs me about what I should do and what is generally done. 

What’s the problem? Well if you asked this question, you who reads this are also as thick as five planks – as were the individuals responding (in the situation above). 

What does it mean to me?

  1. By the nature of the two responses, I could easily tell that the email was not read, was not processed, and the two individuals simply jumped on their keyboards like rabid squirrels to fire off some words about the first thing that popped into their heads. 
  2. The responses to inform me what to do were irrelevant to the stated purpose, which is proof that they did not read or understand. 
  3. People take text on a page as having some particular context. The reality is that from long experience I have learned that ‘context’ is what they fish out of their own heads – that empty space where processing doesn’t actually happen.
  4. The world has become heavily reliant on e-correspondence of various types. If one day some fool does something like the above and presses a button without understanding what is the real context (and therefore meaning), then the whole world  is blown up! 

Oh dear God.. here we go!! Just when I was about to end! Chrysst!! 

Stupid: Well perhaps you had something to do with it, and maybe your email wasn’t as clear as you thought?

CW: Maybe it was NOT and you’re just conjuring ideas in your own head to defend stupidity. 

Stupid: You don’t need to be rude! 

CW: I said nothing rude to you. If you give a maybe, I can give a maybe too. Did I call you stupid? I did NOT! 

Stupid: People are busy you know, so they often don’t have time to read long emails. 

CW: That may be true. Do you know the length of my email? 

Stupid:  No – but I know how you are! 

CW: You may know how I am, but factually you do not know the length of the email, so your statements are irrelevant speculative nonsense. 

Stupid: Well they were probably trying to be helpful, and thought you didn’t know so you were asking them to do something on your behalf. 

CW: They may very well have thought they were being helpful – after all this is Eng-uh-land, where everybody is entitled to get in the way of progress on the grounds of being uber-helpful whilst missing the important big picture or issue. Had they processed the clear point in the email they would have realised that a) I wasn’t asking for help or advice b) that no responses or updates were required and c) whatever the idea was it was optional for them. Thought I didn’t know? Yep – that’s the greatest justification for being condescending! Like these days people need to be told that milk cartons contain ….MILK!! Maybe it won’t be obvious to ‘everybody’ – innit! 

Stupid:  You’re being difficult! You want everybody to think like you – isn’t it. 

CW: Oh..so you wanna get down into some ad hominem – is that it? Right – and you’re being STUPID! I guess you knew that, cuz what’s your name? It is you who wants everybody to think like you i.e. STUPID! I’ll tell you like it is. Not because your name is STUPID means that you will get sympathy or any allowances for pure drivel. How much longer do you want to keep this up? I should warn you that most underestimate my capacity to attack stupidity. Let’s go! 

Stupid:  …. [silence] .. frowns and walks off in a huff. 

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