I’m giving a few simple tips on making your cooked food last longer. Well no, you can’t eat it and have it – and this is not about eating more slowly. The short message is avoid as much as possible getting human spit or germs into your food.

I’m not in the business of providing references to these tips. However, there is a sound scientific basis for all that is said. The following is really about keeping bugs (germs) out of food as much as possible.

1. Don’t handle food before or after cooking with unclean hands!! Hello!! If you came from playing with your computer, a trip to the toilet, or from cleaning the house or garden, wash your bledy hands clean with soap and water.. and do it properly.
2. When cooking your food try to keep a cover over the pot at least half-way. This avoids air from your kitchen circulating back into the pot. Air is a big issue – I’ll explain later.
3. Whilst cooking do not speak over the food. Yes – I said ‘do not speak’ over food! What is there a problem with that? You think it’s culturally appropriate to sputter on food because everybody does it – fine.. don’t invite me to your dinners.. I’ll be quite pleased for that. Lemme see – it’s not okay to actually spit in the food, but it’s okay to sputter on the food once it’s not seen? You’re crazy if you believe that. Seriously – go see a shrink.
4. Do not taste stuff with spoons or your finger and put then dip them back into the food. Like duhhh – that’ll put bugs in the food!!! Hello!!! Bugs! Germs! We don’t want um in the food – as little as possible.
5. Whilst serving or after serving do not leave food exposed to people speaking over the food. Cover the food or move it away!
   1. These last two tips have to do with bacteria from the mouths of other people being sprayed over the food. How? Spit!!! (aka saliva). Yes – every time you speak, spit in micro-droplets is ejected from your mouth, even if you don’t see it – and even if you think you don’t sputter. Yes – and speaking to people close up means you get their spit on you!! Studies of the
      droplets from human breath have shown this – and sorry it’s not just about coughing and sneezing. Do I need to explain that the more bacteria in food from whatever source the less the time the food will remain wholesome?
   2. Air!! Yes – air carries dust particles – that may not be visible to your eyes. Those particles carry germs!
6. When the food has been just cooked, allow it too cool a bit – but not necessarily to room temperature. Get it to a temperature that is safe to put into your refrigerator.
7. I’m not into myth busting today – I’m simply asserting quite fiercely that you will not be poisoned by putting hot food into a fridge!! It’s a bledy old-wives myth. The poisoning comes from bugs.. and there are more bugs to be had by talking over the food then leaving it out to cool (at a slower rate) outside of the fridge. I’ve actually put hot (approx 50C) food into my deep freeze without any problems at all.
8. If you package food into containers or bags ensure the containers are just cleaned with hot water or light bleach (both of these kill bugs). Containers left open to the air will gather microdust with bugs on um – Chrysst – I feel I have to explain every minute detail!! You close your containers and put them into the fridge. No! It won’t send your fridge into meltdown – and the rest of your food in a properly working fridge won’t just heat up. Don’t they teach basic science anymore!?
9. If you have a lot of food apportion them into smaller containers. That way you can thaw out or warm up what you need instead of a whole large container of food.
10. Bleach? Yes!! It doesn’t kill you unless you drink a few buckets of it. The acid in your stomach is stronger than lots of household bleach. A quick wash and rinse of containers with bleach (to get all off) does a great near-instant sterilisation.

In case you don’t want to agree with the above – I’m actually not interested in debating it. Just label me with OCD and Aspergers and continue doing as you’ve always done. The message is that you don’t have to change anything! It’s your world.. and your food! I ain’t bovverred!!

[And finally – no liability is accepted for damage or loss arising from the above – so if you don’t like these tips or you think they’re dangerous, leave them alone]