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Short shrift–will I be arrested?

Well, this morning I’m making myself a late breakfast in my kitchen at about 10:55 AM. It’s Saturday.  As I glance through my window, from behind my curtains, I could see that there are two people at my front door. It’s two old ladies. Well they look old and they look female so there is nothing wrong in that description – cut the political correctness!

I open the kitchen window – I and they (or is that ‘they and I’ – I couldn’t care less) at ground floor level – and say “Good morning, can I help?” One of them goes, “We’re talking to people about the Bible?”. I go, “Sorry, I’m a militant atheist?” You should see the looks on their faces. She goes, “Uh…okay..” and they take off, clutching their bibles as they came. Matter sorted in under 3 seconds.

What a laugh I had? Flipping heck – I am a tad worried now that I might get reported to the police for my despicable conduct (NOT)! Putting two elderly women into fear – not of God – yuh know. I mean if God puts fear into them that’s okay – but if I do, well well – that could be a police matter. After all militant atheists are dangerous people after this incident in Ohio.

I can see the headline in my local paper now, “Militant atheist arrested for intimidating two Bible totting grannies!”. I’m off course almost paralytic with laughter as I write this. Or “Militant Atheist arrested for photographing Bible totting grannies!” WTF! I’m in tears and stitches!  Just in case, I document here, that I was not hostile or aggressive to the two grannies in any shape or form. I simply stated quite dispassionately my position – and that was that.

I preoccupy myself with the strangest and smallest of things, people will say. But no – I mean let’s think about this.

  1. I’ve never in my recollection had people at my door inviting themselves to talk to me about the Koran or some Hindu religious text, or some other religious text. I’m not saying these ‘other people’ don’t exist. All I’m saying is that I find it strange that it’s not as common as Bible totting folk.
  2. Old ladies seem to figure more commonly in my mind for Bible totting types – and yes I’ve had a few young males and females as well turn up.
  3. Saturday mornings seem to be prime time for these people.
  4. As a militant atheist, I’m actually the right person for them to attempt to speak to – or possibly they thought, “Oooh.. ‘militant’ that sounds difficult and dangerous let’s get to hell (or heaven) out of here!! No time to waste!
  5. And most strangely of all, I’ve never had people from any atheist organisation knocking on my door to speak to me about atheism. Why? Is that prohibited by law?
  6. What would happen if I went around, knocked on people’s door and said “Sorry, I have no book but I’m inviting people to speak with me on atheism.”? I’d probably get some very strange looks or be reported to the police – you can’t win!! Chryrsst!!

It’s interesting – isn’t it – how people are motivated to do various things. Start with me – I’m motivated to spend time and effort posting this here – where almost nobody will see it. What’s my gain? They – the old ladies –  are willing to spend their time promoting whatever religious cause – to what end?  I suppose in retrospect, I’ve missed an opportunity to quiz them ‘what’s in it for you?’ But then again, someone would probably tell me – ‘Isn’t it obvious – that they’re promoting their religion and doing what they know is their God’s work?’.  Oh well – in doing their God’s work – or whateverrrr – they feel closer to Gord or some principle higher than themselves. They feel a sense of worth and value. They get some exercise – show that they are good and friendly people – secure their place in some heaven or the other – make their current existence more meaningful and full of joy. Yes – I too can conjure up a range of reasons for why they do what they do.

But what about atheists? They couldn’t possibly be motivated by any of those promises that derive from the religions associated with the Bible (or other religious texts). So – I don’t imagine atheists could or would go around spreading their word door to door – I mean after all they have no ‘book’ from which to preach. On the other hand here’s the ultimate prank – lets form a group called Militant Atheists UK – we then go around like Bible totting folk  – but instead, clutching copies of Dawkins: The God Delusion!! (and a bunch of other Dawkins’ texts). PMSL!!



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