Not grilled cheese on toast

by Captain Walker

Categories: Food & Drink, Technology

Okay – I’ve been known to do the impossible – partly because I am ‘impossible’. For example, I found a way to make microwaved poached eggs – after years of experimentation.

And now you see, what ‘everybody’ might think is grilled cheese on toast. Except that it isn’t.

This is not a recommendation to eat cheese. Tough if you don’t like cheese of any type or you’re allergic to cheese, or it nauseates you – I couldn’t give a flying flamingo – just move on swiftly!

I was intruded upon as below. Ignore and move to the next section if you wish.

Rude intrusion

Stupid: It looks like grilled cheese on toast so it is!

CW: You’d have to wait a bit.

Stupid: I’m not waiting. This is about you trying to a show off! Nobody cares about this.

CW: Well, you’ll have to wait because I say so. I am going to show something. That doesn’t mean I’m showing off some great accomplishment. And yes nobody might care about this. This blog is written for me by me. As I’ve said before, I know that almost ‘nobody’ visits this blog. So I’m actually showing off to nobody, which means I’m not showing off.

Stupid: I don’t get it. You’re showing off but you’re not?

CW: You are so dim! To show off means that you have a known or expected audience. If there is no audience there can be no showing off.

Stupid: Umm.. errh.. ah…ughh…

CW: Yes – now STFU and let me get on with the blog! You’re back in the box.


How it happened

Riggghht! As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, it isn’t grilled cheese. Yes there is cheese. Yes that is toast. But it is not ‘grilled cheese on toast’. But it is 99% the same taste and texture.

So the story goes that over the last 3 months I’ve been working on how to get what we know as ‘grilled cheese’ onto toast, without grilling the cheese.

I realised that grilling is mainly to melt the cheese. Did I say ‘mainly’? Just checking. Yes I did!

So – I tried microwaving cheese on a plate and then scooping it onto the toast. That didn’t work well, because loads of cheese would get stuck to the plate and the shape of the cheese would not remain square. I  needed a solution to both of those.

So – I put it in my processor. What’s that? Jeeez. I have to explain this again! It is called the unconscious. Yes – it is those parts of the brain where people – being their own pop-psychologist – think that nothing happens, except that I know different.

Then Bingo! The solution arrived suddenly as if from ‘out of the blue’. I was in the kitchen and there it was – three words – greaseproof baking paper! And actually I knew it would work before I actually set it to work.

I just cut a piece of greaseproof paper, to about 2 cm larger all round the bread. I then sliced the cheese – three slices  arranged to be roughly square. I put them on the paper and into the microwave on a medium setting for about 50 seconds.  [If you’re doing this remember to press the ‘start button’ on the microwave! ??] Then after the cheese was melted, I just held the paper close to one edge of the bread, angled it, and it slid nicely onto the bread. No mess and it retained the squarish shape.

It looked no different and tasted the same as if it was grilled.


  1. 50 seconds compared to about 5 min for the grill to get to temperature and then melt the cheese.
  2. Energy saving – no need to spend on heating a grill and running up my electricity bill.


  1. There is no crispiness of slightly burnt cheese that some people like.
  2. Toast may get a bit cold if you toast before microwaving the cheese.

Solving disadvantages

  1. Blow torch the melted cheese for 10 seconds or whatever works for you, to get the right burnt or crispy texture/taste.
  2. To avoid toast going cold, do the toast to complete just before the cheese is melted on the greaseproof paper.

Disclaimer & Guidance

The reading of posts on this blog is subject to the Terms & Conditions. Unpalatable truths and personal experiences may be told. The above is no advice or to be so construed. The author accepts no liability for any harm arising from  anything shown above. If you cause yourself injury with a blow torch, sue yourself. Nothing posted on this blog is directed at any identified person. On occasions individuals are quoted anonymously. That does not mean that they have been identified to the world. Should any person or organisation reading this blog find something that makes them feel or know that they  are being referred to – any such perceived identification does not mean ‘identified to the world’. ‘Stupid‘ is an impish figment of my imagination who occasionally is allowed to pop up – and does not represent any known individual, individuals or groups. The treatment of  ‘Stupid‘ is not representative of the way people are treated in real life. Adverse inferences made are dismissed in advance.  

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