Calm detachment – four ends of the rope
Lots of people make decisions that are driven by emotions, and wrapped in emotion. Just to be clear, I’m not saying that such decisions are necessarily wrong. It is well known from Damasio’s research that emotions are an activator of some sort. Whilst emotions can drive actions and decisions, decision-making does not have to be emotional.
The mind can allow emotions to settle, having received ‘a stimulus’. Logic can then prevail. Obviously the next issue is ‘Whose logic?‘. People who ask such questions seem to think that logic is personalised and that one person’s logic is not another person’s brand of logic. That’s fine for ‘people’. For me it’s not ‘whose logic’ but the logic that is written into the fabric of the universe. It’s mathematical. Did I say ‘Everything has to be mathematical?‘ I did NOT!
When at times I’ve run a major decision in the social domain, past a confidant, I’m told “Oh stop being silly – it’s not that big a deal. It’s childish.” Not a problem. People who look from the outside in, cannot know of the myriad of things that come together for me to make a decision. I’m talking about really big stuff here. You know I’m not talking about buying a car or a house. I’m talking about sackings of:
- Your own mother and father.
- The (so-called) friends you grew up with.
- Significant others along the way.
For me relationships are not influenced by things biological – as I explained before. It’s about values. The point is that I’d sack family equally, to non-family.
Some years ago – and I’m not giving a time scale – the scenario occurred when I had to cut loose a certain so-called friend. BTW this has happened more than 3 times with different so-called friends. So – I guess I should see what’s common with the three scenarios.
- There was an accumulation of evidence – in my head – that they were unreliable and therefore untrustworthy.
- There were monumental degrees of stupidity in their modus operandi.
- In some situations, I saw evil, wickedness and a propensity to bear grudges and hate on a longstanding basis.
- The risks of maintaining relationships well outweighed the benefits.
The above is not a full list. Points 3 and 4 above weighed heavily on final decision-making. The aggregate of things triggered emotions. But I have never made emotional decisions on the above. As I always say, “Give um 4 ends of the rope.” – and that is what I did. ‘Somebody’ in the back of my head is telling me that this is about me bearing grudges. Well no – a grudge is a persistent feeling of ill-will or resentment, according to Wikipedia. That’s not me. My decisions began to form over weeks or sometimes months, whilst I continued to observe without emotion. I’m not into repairing so-called friendships. That’s too effortful for me given the features of what’s wrong. I’ve long given up on ‘convincing people’ – especially the type that then expects me to produce a dossier to back what I’ve experienced.
So – with calm detachment, folk have learned of my decisions. They will have inferred what they want e.g. that I’m childish, oversensitive, arrogant, ‘always right’ etc etc. None of any such possible comments or thoughts would deter me, after I’ve made my decisions. I must live with ‘consequences’. I do what I do. These are one-way decisions, which means no turning back. Oh sure – some have thought that with the passage of time, I’d change my mind. Time does not change my mind. Consistent corrective action might. But people rarely self-correct.
It’s of course not possible to repair history, but not among some of those folk they saw life from their own points of view – and could not be receptive to an alternative perspective; especially if it might pertain to their modus operandi. This brings up the obvious issue, ‘What about me?‘. People expect me to be like everybody else – yet the do the double talk that ‘each person is an individual‘. How nonsensical is that?! Very. I’m allowed to be an individual only so long as I don’t deviate from some perceived average of other people. That’s what people want. Tough – they ain’t having it.
I’ve never engaged in the hypocrisy of being but myself. So – everybody knew what I was about. What they thought, is ‘He’ll change. He’ll mellow in his later years and do a U-turn.’ They of course, never thought ‘He’ll harden in his later years – and move straight on.‘ – simply because people accept certain maxims written for them by other people.
Some of the above folk made a miscalculation in thinking that I’d lose more. I actually gained more by cutting them loose, permanently. Again their sense of what I might feel as a loss, was written for them by other people. It’s called ‘society’.
Stupid: You’re back to things about ‘mathematical’. Are you always right?! Have you got Aspergers?
CW: Even if I had Aspergers, mathematics rules this universe and almost all things including decisions.
Stupid: Oh really?
CW: It’s a simple as moving backwards and forwards – at the same time at the same rate – which means no movement, is because of mathematics.
Stupid: Nonsense! If you’re in the empty cargo space of a large lorry, you can walk backwards while the lorry moves forwards.
CW: Yes but ‘you’ can’t walk backwards and forwards at the same time.
Stupid: Right – so what’s that got to do with mathematics?
CW: One step forward would be say 0.5 metre and one step backwards would be 0.5 metres, so you’re not moving.
Stupid: Yeah but if you step backwards more than your step forwards you move backwards.
CW: Obviously. But you’re so dim, you missed when I said “…at the same time at the same rate..”
Stupid: Umm.. .errhh.. moving on. Why are you so bitter?
CW: Bitter? I might be disappointed in the human race. I’m not aware that I’m bitter.
Stupid: Well you sound bitter.
CW: Do I give a flying banana what I sound like. I’m aware of the facts of my own states of mind. Perceptions of my state of mind have no influence on my actual state of mind. I decide what my state of mind is.
Stupid: You’re pig-headed.
CW: I’ve been called worse. My name is not Boris Johnson, so I don’t do the un-pigheaded loads of U-turns.
Stupid: You have no friends for obvious reasons. You’ll die alone and sad.
CW: Yes – no friends for obvious reasons. I came into this world alone, and I shall depart alone. I will be sad at the end because I have been unable to bring a few others to a higher level of awareness. But that’s not my fault. If people close their eyes and refuse to see, it’s not for me to go around prying open their eyes.
Stupid: I don’t get it!
CW: You won’t. You can’t. Now..
Stupid: No.. no.. stop.
CW: Nope. You’ve been let out for a purpose. Now back in the box. End of.
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