Captain Walker

The ferengi rules of acquisition!

star trek, profit, greed, funny, human nature, people, sci-fi

If you don’t know who the Ferengi are, then you need to get a life!

#Ferengi Rule
0What the Nagus wants, we acquire.
1Once you have their money… you never give it back.
2The best deal is the one that brings the most profit.
3Money is everything.
4Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to.
5Sedition and treason are always profitable.
6Always exaggerate your estimates.
7Never allow family law stand in the way of opportunity.
8Keep your ears open.
9Small print leads to large risk.
10Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.
11Greed is eternal.
12Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
13Sometimes the quickest way to find profits is to let them find you.
14Dead men close no deals.
15A deal is a deal… until a better one comes along.
16A contract is a contract is a contract… but only between Ferengi
17A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.
18Satisfaction is not guaranteed.
19He who dives under the table today lives to profit tomorrow.
20Never place friendship above profit.
21A wise man can hear profit in the wind.
22Nothing is more important than your health… except for your money.
23There’s nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.
24What’s in it for me?
25“Confidentiality equals profit.”
26Never make fun of a Ferengi’s mother. Insult something he cares about instead.
27It never hurts to suck up to the boss.
28War is good for business.
29Peace is good for business.
30The early investor reaps the most interest.
31Don’t tell customers more than they need to know.
32She can touch your lobes but never your latinum.
33Profit is its own reward.
34Feed your greed, but not enough to choke it.
35Never confuse wisdom with luck.
36Expand or die.
37Don’t trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.
38The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.
39Never ask when you can take.
40Never trust anybody taller than you.
41Rate divided by time equals profit. (Also known as “The Velocity of Wealth.”)
42Take joy from profit, and profit from joy.
43Good customers are as rare as latinum—treasure them.
44There is no substitute for success.
45Free advice is seldom cheap.
46Keep your lies consistent.
47The riskier the road, the greater the profit.
48Work is the best therapy-at least for your employees.
49Win or lose, there’s always Hupyrian beetle snuff
50Someone’s always got bigger ears.
51Risk doesn’t always equal reward.
52Ferengi are not responsible for the stupidity of other races.
53Knowledge equals profit.
54Home is where the heart is… but the stars are made of latinum.
55Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies.
56If you break it, I’ll charge you for it!
57Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.
58The flimsier the product, the higher the price.
59Never let the competition know what you’re thinking.
60Learn the customer’s weaknesses, so that you can better take advantage of him.
61It ain’t over ’til its over.
62Vengeance will cost you everything.
63Ask not what your profits can do for you, but what you can do for your profits.
64[It is] better to lose some profit and live than lose all profit and die.
65Your boss is only worth what he pays you.
66There are many paths to profit.
67Females and finances don’t mix.
68Expand or die.
69Enough… is never enough.
70Every man has his price.
71If you can’t take it with you, don’t go.
72Trust is the biggest liability of all.
73When it’s good for business, tell the truth.
74Profit trumps emotion.
75Nature decays, but latinum lasts forever.
76Sleep can interfere with opportunity.
77Faith moves mountains… of inventory.
78There is no honor in poverty.
79Hope doesn’t keep the lights on.
80A woman wearing clothes is like a man without any profits.
81Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.
82Exploitation begins at home.
83Treat people in your debt like family… exploit them.
84Never have sex with the boss’ sister.
85Always have sex with the boss.
86You can’t free a fish from water.
87Everything is for sale, even friendship.
88Never Sleep with the bosses sister
89Even a blind man can recognize the glow of Latinum.
90You can’t make a deal if you’re dead.
91Listen to secrets, but never repeat them.
92Wives serve, brothers inherit.
93Only fools pay retail.
94There’s nothing wrong with charity… as long as it winds up in your pocket.
95People love the bartender.
96Even when you’re a customer, sell yourself.
97Sell the sizzle, not the steak.
98Even in the worst of times someone turns a profit.
99Whisper your way to success.
100Know your enemies… but do business with them always.
101Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.
102When life hands you ungaberries, make detergent.
103A Ferengi waits to bid until his opponents have exhausted themselves.
104Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.
105Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money.
106Hear all, trust nothing.
107Never cheat a Klingon… unless you’re sure you can get away with it.
108Trouble comes in threes.
109It’s never too late to fire the staff.
110It’s always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door.
111Location, location, location.
112A Ferengi chooses no side but his own.
113The justification for profit is profit.
114New customers are like razor-toothed gree worms. They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back.
115A Tribble Always Means Customer Satisfaction
116Sometimes, the only thing more dangerous than a question is an answer.
117Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success. Don’t hesitate to step on them.
118A good lie is easier to believe than the truth.
119Never begin a (business) negotiation on an empty stomach.
120Never gamble with a telepath.
121Always know what you’re buying.
122You can’t free a fish from water.
123Sometimes what you get free costs entirely too much.
124Possession is eleven-tenths of the law!
125Beware the man who doesn’t take time for Oo-mox.
126If that’s what’s written, then that’s what’s written.
127Latinum lasts longer than lust.
128Duck; death is tall.
129You can’t buy fate.
130Never be afraid to mislabel a product.
131Time, like latinum, is a highly limited commodity.
132More is good… all is better.
133Always leave yourself an out.
134The definition of insanity is trying the same failed scheme & expecting different results
135A wife is luxury… a smart accountant a neccessity.
136When the messenger comes to appropriate your profits, kill the messenger.
137A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.
138Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for latinum.
139When in doubt, lie.
140If you believe it, they believe it.
141Always inspect the merchandise before making a deal.
142If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
143Deep down, everyone’s a Ferengi.
144No good deed ever goes unpunished.
145When Morn leaves, it’s all over.
146Always get somebody else to do the lifting.
147Never get into anything that you can’t get out of.
148A man is only worth the sum of his possessions.
149An angry man is an enemy, and a satisfied man is an ally.
150The less employees know about the cash flow, the smaller the share they can demand.
151Only a fool passes up a business opportunity.
152The more time they take deciding, the more money they will spend.
153A bargain usually isn’t.
154Whenever you exploit someone, it never hurts to thank them…That way it’s easier to exploit them the next time.
155When the shooting starts, let the mercenaries handle it!