Observations on the world and its inhabitants
Tarek came across Captain Walker’s blog post, “Emotional Intelligence: Conceptual Frameworks, Applications, and Critical Perspectives,” the day after it was published. He consumed it the way a starving man consumes a five-course meal, each paragraph a well-structured bite of clarity in some foggy areas of his existence. It was like a field manual for his ...
The cafe was an olfactory triumph of fresh brewed coffee and passive aggression. A perfect backdrop, Tarek reflected, for Jane’s latest intellectual evolution. He was here because Jane invited him to brunch, but Jane, it appeared, was here to field-test two highly-digestible, conveniently misinterpreted TED Talks. Her enthusiasm was, as ever, a weaponised form of ...
A month or so after their breakfast discourse on love, Walker found himself in the passenger lift of Tarek’s building, invited to dinner. He was ascending to the domain of a man who believed in the tangible virtues of a well-calibrated life. The secure parking, accessed with a precise code and monitored by Tarek’s remote ...
Just when you thought the cosmic alignment of jade eggs and vagina-scented candles had reached its peak celestial absurdity, our favourite wellness oligarch, Gwyneth Paltrow herself, has once again graced the hallowed pages of The Times 29/07/2025. And oh, what a revelation it is! Forget the whispered rumours of bespoke gut-flushes and curated everything; a ...
When celebrity influence is measured in vagina eggs per fiscal quarter, Gwyneth Paltrow continues to dominate the discourse like a wellness oligarch with a Master’s in mockery. Her latest cameo as “Temporary Spokesperson” for a tech scandal involving a kiss cam and Coldplay—because of course—is less a PR move and more a cosmic inevitability. Gwyneth ...
Just when you thought late-stage capitalism couldn’t get any more hydrating, we meet the newest gig economy icon: the Human Lactate Logistics Executive. The present is here – obviously Armed with freezer bags, breast pumps, and a side hustle spirit, mothers like Emily Enger are turning surplus breast milk into unregulated revenue streams—because nothing says ...
The Northampton morning sun, filtered through the huge canopy on Captain Walker’s massive porch, cast a warm, almost reverent glow over the breakfast table. The porch opened directly onto sprawling lawns and grounds, allowing the gentle sunlight to brighten their breakfast. Every detail was curated: the crisp white linen, the glint of polished silver, the ...
The invitation had been succinct: “Reunion. The Dog & Duck. Be there.” Tarek, a man whose internal monologue often outpaced external reality, had read it with the weary resignation of a seasoned diplomat entering a particularly fraught peace negotiation. He knew the cast of characters, and he knew the likely trajectory of the evening: a ...
Gather ’round, my fellow inhabitants of reality, for a tale from the land where medical logic apparently took a sabbatical. As someone who spends their days trying to untangle actual human brains, the recent shenanigans in Indian healthcare have left my own cerebrum feeling rather scrambled. It’s a masterclass in how, when it comes to ...
Tarek’s gleaming Bentley Continental purred to a stop outside Jane’s modest home, its polished surface glinting in the afternoon sun. Net curtains twitched in unison across the street as neighbours, once again, peered out in wonder. “Why’s he visiting her again?” their unspoken questions seemed to echo across the quiet cul-de-sac. Tarek’s bespoke shoes clicked ...
You remember Tarek – a man whose mind was as sharply tailored as his bespoke suits, and managed empires like some sort of AI running a neural network. His days were a symphony of high-stakes decisions, seamless IT infrastructure, and the quiet satisfaction of knowing exactly where every single widget was at any given moment. ...
Tarek, a man whose calendar was less a schedule and more a multi-dimensional chessboard of future possibilities, often found himself utterly baffled by the linear logic of others. He glided through life, a human equivalent of a satellite perpetually scanning for new celestial bodies, while many of his acquaintances seemed content to navigate by the ...
We’ve all been there: scrolling through our feeds, seeing a heartbreaking injustice, or hearing about a vital cause, and feeling that surge of “Someone must do something!” We share, we like, we comment with heartfelt emojis. But how often does that surge translate into actual, tangible action? In today’s hyper-connected world, it’s never been easier ...
Well, I’ve been busy elsewhere as ‘some’ may know. But it’s a very busy world where I have to compete with Twitter, Instagram, Facetime, Netflix, Amazon etc to get people to even notice what’s going on. It’s fine – at least this article is evidence that people are too busy to notice things that should ...
The English language – that glorious tapestry woven with threads of history, invasion, and an inexplicable fondness for silent letters. But lately, it seems our most cherished pastime isn’t actually using the language, but rather, endlessly dissecting its every variation – particularly when it comes to spelling and pronunciation. And honestly, it’s getting a bit… ...
Alright, gather ’round, folks, and let me tell you a tale of culinary peril, a rogue piece of cabbage, and the baffling human instinct to offer water when someone’s clearly drowning… on land. It all started innocently enough. I was minding my own business, enjoying a perfectly average meal, when BAM! A tiny, yet incredibly ...
I can fully expect to be most hated and called various names for this article. Flick through any social media feed on a Friday night and you’ll be met with a familiar sight: artfully arranged plates of food, clinking glasses, and grinning faces bathed in the warm glow of a trendy restaurant. Here in the ...
For some time it has been on my mind how ‘people’ have a problem answering a question that obviously requires a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer. The exchange between Jeremy Paxman and Michael Howard on BBC Newsnight in 1997 has become a defining example of what occurs when a straightforward question meets an elusive answer. During ...
Some will of course, be wondering what has led me to research this topic. Well, I’ve been hiding in Northern Ireland! That has brought me into this history of this country – a forgotten part of the UK, except when there is an explosion or serious violence over here. Youngsters of today will probably be ...
Oh well, it’s a Sunday morning here very north of the UK (but I do not need to be stalked, many thanks). Where I am is of no importance – except that stupidity has followed me again via the internet. What now – you may wonder. The Main Story Well, I just came across a ...
I may be alone in this sort of experience. I provide clear, complete information to a service provider, only to have them ask me to “confirm” what I’ve already meticulously provided. But here’s where things take a frustrating turn – their “confirmation” actually contains errors that weren’t in my original communication. I call this the ...
I have written about patterns many times before. Recently – as I’m located well north in the UK – I’ve been observing patterns in cultures that vary from ‘the South’. A few days ago, some ‘folk’ asked me about what’s different. People broke out in laughter when I said, “Well, the prominent thing I noticed ...
“Honesty is the best policy.” We’ve heard this since childhood, seen it emblazoned on inspirational posters, and nodded along when it’s offered as relationship advice. It’s one of those universal virtues that nobody publicly disputes. After all, who would advocate for dishonesty? Yet in the messy reality of human relationships, honesty isn’t the straightforward virtue ...
Why is this any of my business? My business is about anything that I see as grossly unfair – I couldn’t care less where it’s happening. I briefly touched on the plight of the Chagossians in Shamelessness – a new world order (2013). The situation has grown monumentally more ‘shameless’ for the UK. I feel ...
Ah, artificial intelligence – the technology that’s supposed to revolutionise our lives, save us time, and maybe even write our grocery lists. But let’s be real here, not everyone is rushing to embrace our new robot overlords. After all one of them called DeepSeek caused a $1 trillion wipe out on the stock markets in ...
For many years I’ve kept Captain’s Watch mostly away from Google. That was because the site/blog was originally set up as a sort of diary shared only with close associates (I don’t have or keep friends). But over the last few months I’ve been reflecting much on how the site has changed in its form ...
This is about Dinitrogen-Dioxygen Fluidic Mixtures, a previously not well recognised danger to humanity and economic systems. Without further delay, the list of risks and damage are as follows: Inhalation Dependency: Prolonged exposure to DDFM leads to severe dependence. Users have been known to seek it out constantly, with extreme cases requiring it every few ...
The internet has revolutionised the way we communicate, access information, and form communities. However, this technological advancement has also brought about unintended consequences. Over the past decade, there has been a growing concern about the rise of online tribalism, political correctness, cancel culture, and the suppression of dissenting voices. These phenomena, while seemingly disparate, are ...
This does not mean ‘sex’ – just in case. So, words like ‘sleeping’ do not mean having a shag! I don’t care who’s ‘sleeping’ with who(m). Sleep stands as one of the most time-consuming biological imperatives in human existence, second only to breathing in its demand for dedicated hours. The average adult spends approximately one-quarter ...
So, you all scoffed. You sneered. You laughed, pointed fingers and snorted with derision about the many failures in my quest to conquer the impossible: microwaving an egg without it exploding like a miniature culinary grenade. “It can’t be done!” you declared, between guffaws. You sneered, “You’ll end up with scrambled egg on the ceiling!” ...
